Page 3 from: September 2007
V I E W P O I N T
In Eastern Europe, I have seen some of the mosthilarious signs. For example, I saw the following
in a Czech tourist agency: ‘Take one of our horse-
driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.’ In
a Belgrade hotel, a sign read ‘The flattening of
underwear with pleasure is the job of the chamber-
maid’, while a sign in the elevator explained: ‘To
move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the
cabin should enter more persons, each one should
press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then
going alphabetically by
national order.’
In a Bucharest hotel
lobby, a sign warned:
‘The lift is being fixed for
the next day. During
that time we regret that
you will be unbearable.’
And on the streets of the
Romanian capital, a sign
in a doctor’s window declared that he was a ‘spe-
cialist in women and other diseases’. And then in
the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian
Orthodox church, tourists were informed: ‘You are
welcome to visit the cemetery where famous
Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers
are buried daily except Thursday.’
But the rest of Europe also manages to mangle
the English language from time to time. In an ele-
vator in Leipzig, a sign warned: ‘Do not enter the lift
backwards, and only when lit up.’ Another warning
sign at a camp-site in Germany’s Black Forest
insisted: ‘It is strictly forbidden for people of differ-
ent sex, for instance, men and women, live together
in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.’ In a hotel in Athens, I once saw:
‘Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.’ Meanwhile,
a tailor’s shop on the Greek island of Rhodes urged
passers-by: ‘Order your summer suit. Because is big
rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.’
Even the Scandinavians have succeeded in confus-
ing me with their English. In a Copenhagen airline
ticket office, a sign told me bluntly: ‘We take your
bags and send them in all directions.’ And the follow-
ing was seen in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: ‘Women
are requested not to have children in the bar.’
It is perhaps best to avoid the Swiss restaurant
where diners are told: ‘Our wines leave you nothing
to hope for.’ On the other hand, you can expect
an energetic floor show in the lobby of a hotel in
Zürich where a sign reads:
‘Because of the impropriety
of entertaining guests of
the opposite sex in the bed-
room, it is suggested that
the lobby be used for this
purpose.’ The management
of a Rome laundry obvious-
ly knows what women
want, given its sign read-
ing: ‘Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
afternoon having a good time.’
I also found some gems in Asia. For instance,
I was informed in a Bangkok temple: ‘It is forbidden
to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a
man.’ And a dry-cleaning shop in the same city
offered the following invitation: ‘Drop your trousers
here for best results.’ In Hong Kong, a dentist
proudly announced: ‘Teeth extracted by the latest
methodists.’
In Shanghai, where I once hired a car, the rental
firm’s brochure offered the following advice for
those intending to drive in China: ‘When passenger
of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your
passage then tootle him with vigour.’ And a Chinese
hotel warned: ‘Is forbidden to steal hotel towels
please. If you are not a person to do such thing is
please not to read notis.’ At the same time, however,
I was told: ‘You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid.’
is a month ly busi ness mag a zine for
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Member of
As Editor of Recycling International, I travel to congresses,
conventions and trade shows around the world. Inevitably, I stay
in hotels – basically because nobody normally invites me to stay
at their home. One of the fun things about hotels – or indeed,
shops and restaurants – is that you see some of the most grievous
but amusing abuses of the English language. Just keep your eyes
open and you may spot some examples like these…..
Surely some mistake…
BIR
‘You are invited to
take advantage of
the chambermaid.’
Manfred Beck
Editor
RI_003 Viewpoint:Viewpoint 05-09-2007 12:45 Pagina 3
