Page 3 from: April 2015
V I E W P O I N T
Manfred Beck
Publisher
I have a bunch of friends from all over the world who regularly send me funny jokes, pictures and
videos. After viewing them, I don’t throw them away
but, rather, I share them with other friends.
This has tremendously enhanced my reputation as
a funny guy as all these friends believe that I come
up with these funnies myself. That is because I pass
them on in an email that comes from me, having
carefully removed all trace of the sender’s details.
Then I put them in a file called ‘Funny Stuff ’ and sort
them into sub files with titles such as ‘Jokes’, ‘Funny
pics’, ‘Hilarious videos’ or ‘Adults only’. I like people
to think of me as their personal fun filter, letting
through only the best of these assorted side-splitters.
Some time ago, our IT consultant informed me that
the space left on my computer was getting danger-
ously low so I took the decision to throw away all the
excess e-baggage I had accumulated over a period of
more than 10 years. When looking at my Funny Stuff
file, I counted a total of almost one thousand items. I
have now stored them in ‘the cloud’, whatever or
wherever that is. When going through them, I found
some gems that I thought I would share with you.
• A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for
dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t
tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give
them a clue and let them guess. The dad said: ‘Well
it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.’ The little girl
screamed to her brother: ‘Don’t eat it. It’s an asshole!’
• After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke
up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.
That’s when he realised he had made it home safely.
• A teenager asks his granny: ‘Have you seen my
pills? They were labelled LSD?’ Granny replies:
‘Who cares about the pills! Have you seen the
dragons in the kitchen?’
• Marilyn’s husband undresses in front of her
and asks: ‘What turns you on more, my pretty
face or my sexy body?’ Marilyn looks him up
and down and replies: ‘Your sense of humour.’
• I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
My next crap could spell disaster.
• After both suffering from depression for a while,
me and my husband were going to commit suicide
yesterday. But strangely enough, once he had
killed himself, I started to feel a lot better. So I
thought: ‘Forget it, soldier on!’
• I woke up this morning at eight and could sense
something was wrong. I got downstairs and found
my wife face down on the kitchen floor, not
breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.
Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast
until 11:30.
• The other night, my husband asked me how many
men I’d slept with. I told him: ‘Only you.’ All the
others kept me awake all night.
• My wife packed my bags and as I walked out the front
door, she screamed: ‘I wish you a slow and painful
death!’ ‘Oh,’ I replied, ‘so now you want me to stay?’
• A child asked his father: ‘How were people born?’
So his father said: ‘Adam and Eve made babies,
then their babies became adults and made babies,
and so on.’ The child then went to his mother,
asked her the same question and she told him: ‘We
were monkeys then we evolved to become like we
are now.’ The child ran back to his father and said:
‘You lied to me!’ His father replied:
‘No, your mom was talking about
her side of the family.’
• An airline introduced a special
package for businessmen: buy your
ticket, get your wife’s ticket free. After achieving
great success with the offer, the company sent let-
ters to all the wives asking how they enjoyed their
trip. All of them gave the same reply: ‘What trip?’
• A friend of ours recently sent her mother-in-law
a message: ‘Dear mother-in-law, don’t teach me
how to handle my children. I’m living with one of
yours and he needs a lot of improvement.’
• A lady says to the doctor: ‘My husband has a habit
of talking in his sleep. What should I give him to
cure it?’ The doctor replies: ‘Give him an oppor-
tunity to speak when he’s awake.’
If the internet
has taught us
anything, it’s that
the world is full
of funny people.
Fortunately, a lot
of them seem to
have my email
address….
The fun fi lter
‘Have you seen the
dragons in the kitchen?’
RI-3 Viewpoint.indd 3 30-03-15 12:37
