Page 57 from: November 2015

55November 2015

B E C K ’ S

A phone moan
Mobile phones
have filled the

world with
indiscreet bores.

In the past, we
would have been
expected to keep

details of our
private lives,

well, private. But
these days, many

people armed
with a mobile

phone are
prepared to

share the most
excruciatingly

intimate
information with

the world at
large.

Mobile phones are probably one of the best examples of how technology can change
the nature of social interaction and even how we
see the world. Try watching movies made before
1998 and you’ll see a hundred different plot twists
that would never have arisen had one of the pro-
tagonists been carrying a phone. A killer white
shark is stalking you on your broken-down boat?
Just call the coastguard and within 10 minutes
they lift you to safety and deny the shark his pro-
spective dinner.
I was walking down the street some time ago when
I heard a man explain to his son: ‘You see, my boy,
in the old days people didn’t have mobile phones.’ I
didn’t pause to hear the rest. I was too struck by the
realisation that my past had already become some-
one else’s history. All down the street, there were
phone shops entreating me to buy the latest cell
phone with more minutes per month than I could
possibly use. People were sitting in parks and cafés
or simply walking along with phones pressed against
their ears. Some of them had those invisible headsets
that make it impossible to distinguish them from
the insane who argue with themselves in public.
I remember that, in the old days, people thought
beepers were the cool thing – those communica-
tion buzzers that added bulge to your jeans pock-
et. However, they soon switched from risking
testicular cancer to the more fashionable perils of
brain tumours and there was no looking back. I
think mobile phones must have tiny teeth that
nibble away at those precious moments in your
life – the good conversations, the incredible sun-
sets, that first kiss. And who hasn’t had a movie
or theatre performance interrupted by someone’s
ringing phone?
Perhaps the worst aspect of cell phones, though,
is that they serve as amplifiers for all the mundane
thoughts of strangers and for a litany of uncom-
fortable insights into their lives. Take for example
the bored girl on the train who I recently heard
explain in detail to her flatmate that while she
loved the tangy flavour of Heinz beans, she wasn’t
sure if she could eat them all the time, you know?
It should come as no surprise, therefore, that cell
phone jammers are selling like hot cakes among

commuters who have been driven steadily insane
by listening to this mindless drivel every day.
While it’s highly illegal, there’s a certain satisfac-
tion in pressing a button and forcing someone to
cut short a phone-spat with their lover when
they’re sitting directly behind you.
Some months ago, a friend of mine wanted to get
his wife something nice for their twentieth wed-
ding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a mobile
phone. He explained to her and demonstrated the
device’s various features. His wife was bowled over
with delight. The following day, his wife went shop-
ping in the local supermarket. Her phone rang and
it was her husband. ‘Hi darling,’ he said, ‘how do
you like your new phone?’ She responded: ‘I just
love it; it’s so small and light and your voice is as
clear as a bell – but there’s one feature that I really
don’t understand.’ ‘What’s that, dear?’ my friend
asked. To which she replied: ‘How did you know
that I was at the supermarket?’

Well, women are like mobile phones: they like it
when you pick them up and talk to them a lot, but
if you only once press the wrong button, you’re
immediately disconnected. But then again, a
mobile phone is also like a guy: if you don’t plug
him in every night and charge him up well, then
you’ve got nothing at all. My personal connection
with a mobile phone is that I seem to lose energy
without doing anything, but then perhaps that’s
because I’m almost sixty-five.
I can appreciate the modern advances we have
today. Back in the past, the only cell phones were
the ones used in jails. Times do change and life is
what happens when your cell phone is charging.

‘Cell phones are so
convenient that they’re
an inconvenience.’

Manfred Beck
Publisher

Metso –
Making the big
Difference to our
Customers

For more details about Metso’s products and services, please call +49 (0) 21121050 • [email protected]